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 · · Wrath of Heaven

The Wrath of Heaven · May it af­flict in­ter­mit­tent left-channel out­ages, and an au­dio­phile neigh­bor who lives for op­eretta, on the gorm­less en­thu­si­asts who mal­ad­just the au­dio in the car-share cars so ev­ery­thing sounds like a Bad Hair Band ...
The Wrath of Heaven · May it af­flict Dupuytren's con­trac­ture, hang­nail­s, and oth­er painful patholo­gies of the hand on ev­ery de­vel­op­er who screws with Control-A, -E, -F, -B, -N, or -P in any OS X app any­where you can ed­it tex­t. Fire­fox, I’m look­ing at you (but on­ly when there’s a search box open at the bot­tom of the browser). Stack­Over­flow, I’m look­ing at you. Se­ri­ous­ly, you guys are pee­ing on sa­cred ground.
The Wrath of Heaven · May it in­flict the end­less shav­ing of mangy flea-bitten ill-tempered foul-smelling yaks on cer­tain soft­ware de­sign­er­s, as a pun­ish­ment for the mis­ap­pro­pri­a­tion of keystrokes. For ex­am­ple, on my Mac, in vir­tu­al­ly ev­ery pro­gram, control-E means “Position the cur­sor at the end of the line.” But in JIRA, it means “Silently and with­out any warn­ing and with­out an un­do func­tion, dis­card ev­ery­thing I've en­tered in­to the cur­rent bug report.”
The Wrath of Heaven · May it vis­it end­less de­lays, blocked air­plane toi­let­s, and hos­tile cus­toms of­fi­cials on three groups of air­line pro­fes­sion­al­s ...
Wrath of Heaven · May it vis­it shin splints, bunion­s, and Achilles’-tendon prob­lems on con­fer­ence or­ga­niz­ers who don’t open the doors of keynote ses­sions un­til at or af­ter the keynote time, leav­ing the thou­sands of peo­ple who want to at­tend stand­ing lined up on the street, out in the cold damp San Fran­cis­co morn­ing.
Wrath of Heaven · May it in­flict flood­ing, scald­ing, and trau­mat­ic bath­tub slip­page on the ho­tel plumbers of the world, no two of whom can agree on which way you turn the Hot and Cold taps for “on” and “off”. Wait a sec­ond, let’s save some of that wrath for the res­i­den­tial plumbers as well.
The Wrath of Heaven · May it vis­it laryn­gi­tis, hal­i­to­sis and a se­vere stut­ter on those ven­dors who de­scribe disk drives, net­work router­s, print­er­s, com­put­er­s, or pret­ty well any­thing that con­tains sil­i­con and plugs in, as “solutions”. A disk drive is not a so­lu­tion dammit, it’s a disk drive. This is so freak­ing re­tard­ed, can there be a liv­ing hu­man be­ing who be­lieves any­one will be more will­ing to drop the $450 on their box be­cause it’s de­scribed as a “storage solution”? Bah.
The Wrath of Heaven · May it cur­dle the milk and sour the beer of those who pub­lish an ex­treme­ly useful-looking API/Frame­work and when you get there, the in­tro says “The re­quired plat­form bi­na­ries are list­ed in …” and the “downloads” link takes you in­to a maze of twisty lit­tle CVS pas­sages. [Ed. note - the pack­age in ques­tion is not one I’ve writ­ten about here be­fore.]
The Wrath of Heaven · May it af­flict a pox on the ox­en and ass­es of those pub­lic ser­vice agen­cies who of­fer a use­ful on­line re­source and change its ad­dress ev­ery six months for no dis­cernible rea­son.
The Wrath of Heaven · May it fall with sul­phurous fury on those who dis­patch an ad­min­is­tra­tive min­ion to a busy neigh­bor­hood cof­fee shop crowd­ed with reg­u­lars drop­ping by for their efficiently-produced lat­te, 8:30-ish in the morn­ing, and in­struct said min­ion to fetch back eleven as­sort­ed cof­fee drinks, each one subtly-underspecified and re­quir­ing ex­tend­ed barista di­a­logue, and fi­nal­ly to pay with with a cred­it card.
author · Dad · software · colophon · rights
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